Corey picks up at the bottom of page 64 and finishes the chapter, taking the inventory one column at a time. He explains why he works the first columns in a row right after the Third Step prayer, since the bottom of page 63 says we launched out on a course of vigorous action. He reads “resentment” as “grudge list” because it makes the list longer and easier to start, and he defines the terms he writes beside each name (self-esteem is how I see me, pride is how you see me, ambitions are what I want, security is what I need). Mr. Brown’s example on page 65 shows the columns in use, and the blank right-hand sheet holds the fourth column. He ties “nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty” back to half measures on page 59, then reads page 66 slowly and marks every place the text calls resentment deadly, from infinitely grave and fatal to shut off from the sunlight of the Spirit. He runs the math on what even a small grudge costs in hours over a year. The sick man prayer on page 67 becomes structure rather than decoration, a step he works on every name, and the right-hand sheet asks where he was selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened. The inventory was ours, not the other man’s, and he writes it in black and white because self-delusion edits whatever stays in his head.
The fear inventory on page 68 comes next, where he asks why each fear is there and keeps answering until the answer stops moving. It lands on the book’s own answer, that self-reliance failed us, and on the basis of trusting and relying on God, who enables us to match calamity with serenity. For the sex conduct section he reads the book’s refusal to be the arbiter of anyone’s conduct as a reason to treat it like any other problem. He describes the exercise he uses with sponsees, writing out an ideal partner next to what they bring to the table to shape a sane and sound ideal. He names the one place in the book he wrestles with, how to read the caution about amends that would bring more harm beside page 79’s willingness to lose a position or face jail. The close returns to the three places where the chapter points us toward helping others, the promise of love and tolerance on page 84, and the real tolerance of page 19, ending on the big chunks of truth already swallowed and digested.
A study offered in the spirit of one alcoholic sharing experience, strength, and hope with another. Next week: Into Action, beginning on page 72.
Read along at home. Reach out any time at wave@dailyripples.com.
Big Book study | How It Works | the resentment inventory | the fear inventory | sex conduct and ideals | the sick man prayer | Step Four | recovery literature | experience strength and hope | addiction recovery
Disclaimer: This Wave Book Study is an independent recovery study offered free of charge as a teaching aid. It is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or approved by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. (A.A.W.S.). Passages read and discussed are drawn from the book Alcoholics Anonymous (“The Big Book”), © A.A.W.S., Inc., and are used here for educational and discussion purposes with attribution. This study is not a substitute for the Big Book itself. We’d encourage you to get your own copy and read it. A.A.W.S. has not reviewed or approved this content, and the views expressed are those of the host alone.